There is no way that I can undo what is done, no way in this world of the 27 True Runes that I can revert to who I was before. What has happened is past, and Time moves on indifferently. It is just our perception of Time that changes. Like last night, for example.

Those silent hours were, to me, like centuries of Hell.

Somehow, I have survived. I am uninjured, save a slight cut on my cheek where General Shulen had poised my own weapon, my only defense. Perhaps I shouldn't have had it sent to the blacksmith. No. I cannot change it now. I must not think of changing the past. The past is done. The future will come. Only the present can be changed.

Heh. And here I am, making the biggest change a laundry woman could ever make in her life. Here I am, neatly packing my shirts, my vests, my pants, all for a journey with the enemy. My dear husband's arch-enemy. The enemy of this nation. Here I am. And yet, I am not a hostage.

At least... I don't believe I am.

Where is that other sock? I could have sworn I'd gotten it down from the line. No time for it now; we have to leave soon. The boat leaves in an hour and a half. So much to do. I should have written it all down.

No. No more "should have." I'll do it now.

Paper.... paper paper paper paper paper.... Ah, here it is. The pen should be on the table... yup, there it is. Now what was there to do?

Ummm.... I'll have Michiko take care of the laundry while I'm gone. I'll have to talk to her about that. Write that down. Talk to Michiko about laundry. Ummm.... At least I don't have to make sure the food doesn't spoil. Heh. That Rikimaru. He is a nice man, but it is difficult to feed him. I wonder where Freed met him?

Freed.

Oh, no. Oh, this isn't good. Freed must never know. Never ever. So I'm going to be living a lie. As long as I don't hurt him. So where am I going? Wasn’t there a word for a trip like this? Three syllables, I thought. Very distinct syllables, but I can’t remember them…. Well, whatever. I have to have somewhere to go, but not Banner Village, and certainly not the Toran Republic. Well, that might be where I'm really going. I don't know. Whatever Sonya decides. Oh, what might I have to leave the city for? I need an excuse. I've never left before. At least not since our marriage. Wasn't that one reason I was leaving? Oh, dear, I don't even know my geography. South Window. Radat. Er.... Well, it has to be far away enough that Freed can't come to see me, far away enough that I may be gone for a long time.

Maybe far away enough that Freed would know no one at my presumed destination.

Well, it also has to be somewhere within the Jowston City-State, with Highland to the north and Toran to the South. That could complicate things thoroughly. And when I find a destination, I have to find an excuse for going there, something that would make me leave home after so many years of laundry and letters.

Hmm. Fifteen minutes since I last looked at the clock. At least I still have time.

There’s that word again. Time.

Somehow, that grandfather clock hasn’t been the same since Sonya and her crew arrived. It almost seems to be ticking irregularly. A lot of things have changed, suddenly, when she arrived here. I myself have changed beyond my own comprehension….

Or have I? Strange occurrences have been frequent lately. Perhaps it’s just the way I as Yoshino Yamamoto would act in such a given circumstance. That’s funny in a way. It makes me feel like I am a stranger to myself. I don’t know if it is better to think that I have changed or that the world has changed around me. I never know about such things, and perhaps I shouldn’t think about them. I am a simple laundry woman, after all.

Ha ha. I can just hear Michiko’s protest ringing clearly in my head. “Simple?!” she would say to me while waving a sock in my face and scowling. “Don’t you ever think of yourself as simple! There’s a lot more to you than you think, you know.” It was always at this point in the conversation that my mind wandered elsewhere. I would shake my head with a smirk on my face and continue rubbing a mud-stained shirt against the washboard.

Of course I’m simple. That’s the way I like things. Sometimes life is more beautiful that way.

Perhaps that’s why I never became anyone important. When I was growing up in South Window, my father was a merchant with high aspirations for his daughter. I was schooled, of course, and I did receive good marks, but I didn’t feel anything was going to come of it. I did my math and I read my books. I understood, tolerably, the art of the runes. I could find the volume of a three-dimensional solid and recite a number of sonnets by heart. And nothing came of this. My place in life now has proven my prediction. And that’s the way I like it.

My mind has wandered again. I need to concentrate. What was I thinking of before? What was I doing? I hate it when that happens.

Hmm. I have a pen and a paper that says, “Talk to Michiko about laundry.” I think that explains it well enough.

Actually, I think this piece of paper has wasted my time. I’d better just walk over there and talk to her right now.

Ow. I think I’ve been sitting in that chair for too long. OK, I just need to walk around a little bit and loosen up. It’s a nice day outside. It shouldn’t be too bad. At least her house isn’t too far down the street. Ow. Wow, it’s bright outside. Now breathe, Yoshino. Just act like nothing’s wrong.

There’s Lebrante’s shop. He wouldn’t notice if I acted strange. Just if something happened to one of his trinkets. That’s fine with me. Just keep walking. Smile at the neighbor and say hello. Hope that she doesn’t feel like starting a conversation. Good.

“Hello, Michiko. How are you today?”

How is she…. Is that really a question for me to ask? I’m acting like I’m going to be staying for a cup of coffee or something. I have to leave this place soon. I have to—

“Oh, I’m sorry, Michiko. Actually, something is bothering me. You see, I’m going to be leaving Radat for a little while.”

She’s… happy for me. Why?

“Yes, well, I wanted to ask you if you could handle my laundry duties while I’m gone. You’d make a good sum of money and it would be a good experience for you.”

Sure, she says. Anything I want. She wants to know….

“I’m leaving in about an hour. I’m sorry to leave on such short notice.”

She’ll take care of everything. Good. Now maybe I can leave without worry.

Nope, I can’t. She wants to know where I’m going.

“I… received a letter… from an old friend.”

Was that lie obvious? Can she tell? She’s just staring at me with those huge eyes of hers.

“She wanted me to visit her because we haven’t seen each other since our school days.”

She doesn’t seem to be reacting. No, she’s happy for me. She’s always happy for me. I don’t deserve a friend like her. My eyes are burning. No, I’m not angry with myself. I’m not going to cry. I have to leave… now… before I lose my sanity….

“Good-bye, Michiko, and thank you. Take care while I’m gone.”

Don’t stop me. Please don’t stop me. I have to go. Everything has to go smoothly from here. I only have a little more time to make my preparations.

Run. Run home before it’s too late. Why am I running? What is happening here? I used to know so well what was happening, what would probably happen next. In a fleeting moment I have lost all knowledge of myself. This strange spontaneity doesn’t suit me very well….

I think I ran too fast. Breathe. Calm down. Everything will come under control. What am I saying? Everything is out of my control! That’s why I’m so frustrated, that’s why I feel that there is some part of me that awakened last night that I have never known before. I told the truth, always. I stayed home and was loyal to Freed. I knew where my life was going.

…where my life was going…?

Where was it going? Nowhere. Every day would have been the same as any other. This is my chance to change it. This is my only escape from this prison that I’ve created within myself. I just hope that I’m not putting myself through more than I can handle….

I will return home soon. My water amulet* will remind me. Freed has one, too. He will always be with me. I promise to return soon.

The paper’s still on the table. I’d better write a note just in case.

To whom it may concern:
Yoshino has left the house to pay a friend a visit. They haven’t heard from each other in many years and she felt that it was time that they caught up on lost times. For now, she requests that you please take your laundry to Michiko and also that you do not take news of her absence to South Window. She does not want Freed to worry.

I believe it is time for me to head for the dock. I’ll leave this note—this lie of a note—on the table for someone to discover.

May the runes take my life if my lie is disclosed.

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"Yoshino", "Freed", "Sonya" and "Rikimaru" are (C) Konami. This chapter was posted on February 11, 2000