Today, this particular colosus was feeling rather good.  He had recently beaten his rival colosus in a head ramming contest, which was something colosuses did because they were too stupid to think of a more interesting sport and were completely unaware of the fact that one of the reasons they were so stupid was because they spent all day ramming into each other with their heads.  In addition, this colosus had found a really pretty flower.  Colosuses liked pretty flowers.  This fellow was definately feeling great.  He was on top of the world!  He proudly thought to himself, "I'm a SEXY BITCH!!!"  And now, at the very moment, he had come across the dream of all stupid monsters everywhere.  He was about to kidnap a damsel in distress.  This was a very momentous ocassion.  It wasn't everyday that you could kidnap a damsel in distress.  Nowadays, every pretty young lady always seems to be walking around with an armed escort or can fight for themselves, and there just weren't as many maiden kidnappings as there were in the good old days when dragons and giants would consistantly grab girls and stow them away in caves until a knight in shining armour came to save them.  There really wasn't much practical reason to kidnap this damsel in distress; it was the sheer principle of the thing that excited the colosus.  But this colosus realized that he had to be careful.  He remembered how his brother was knocked silly trying to kidnap some crazy feminist who opened a can of whoop ass on him using some sort of angry dragon rune or something.  But the damsel in front of him looked perfectly harmless, so it was time to let the kidnapping begin!

The colosus opened up with his battle cry and dance.  It was an honored traditional cry and dance that they have used for ages, and it represented the power, might, and honor that the colosuses shared as a species.  This act was cherished by all colosuses across the world.  It was the pride and joy of the colosus race; a true testimony to the great honor and respect of the colosus species.  The words were carefully handpicked and chosen by the smartest and wisest colosuses of all time, perfected throughout the many years for the ultimate effect.  The movements were designed by the most artistic and athletic colosuses that ever existed.  They were the words of champions, of honour, of greatness...

"Boogey boogey!"  The colosus jumped up and down in front of Viki like an enraged chimpanzee.

Viki watched the stupid beast perform a bunch of random motions and make a bunch of wierd noises.  She got bored after seeing the colosus sit down, crunch in his legs against his chest and hold them there, then spin around on his ass for the tenth time.  "I hope you don't expect me to pay you for whatever you're doing."  Viki started to walk past the colosus.

Fortunately for the colosus, his stupid nonsensical dance had just about ended at that moment, or else that damsel in distress would have escaped.  But she was already a good distance away, so the colosus acted quickly and punched the ground hard, causing a small earthquake that knocked Viki off her feet and sent her crashing to the ground.

Viki stumbled to her feet and turned around to see the colosus in front of her.  "Uh oh... this is bad!"

The colosus roared into the air.

Oh no!  I have to think of something, quickly!  Let's examine my options.  I could (a)  Run away.  (b)  Die.  (c) Use my all powerful Judgement spell to kill this thing.   Well, for (a), if I run away, the only place I know where to run is Kyaro and going back there won't get me anywhere.  But I don't think I want to choose (b) and die just now.  I guess I'll choose option (c), which will kill this creature and let me be on my way.

The colosus's fist slammed into Viki's head before she could even remember that she already tried the Judgement bit earlier.

On second thought, I think I'll just die.  Viki thought to herself as she fell to the ground.

The colosus was about to pick up Viki and drag her away to some random cave when he heard footsteps from far off.  It seemed that this damsel's knight in shining armour had come early.  Well, this colosus wasn't about to lose his kidnapped maiden that easily.  He would challenge this knight in an honorable dignified duel to the death for the fair maiden.  Leaving Viki lying in the tall grass, the colosus walked to the source of the footsteps and issued his challenge to the knight.  For honour!

"ME SMASH YOU!"  The colosus yelled as he leapt at McDohl.

The startled McDohl quickly raised his arm and his soul eater rune ate the colosus's soul.  McDohl shrugged and continued on his journey, walking right past Viki without noticing her.

Still stumped as to where the colosus was when she woke up, Viki had reached the Highland capital, L'Renouille.  It was a rather bustling city.

"Isn't it great?  We are finally going to have peace!  I'm so glad.  I'm tired of this war with Jowston."  Many people were talking about a recent peace treaty between Jowston and Highland.

"Yea, I know.  Isn't it great?  The killing will finally stop!  I'm so sick of all the fighting.  Why do we keep fighting, anyway?  There's no point to it!  We should have stopped this war years ago, but at least now is better than never."  Everyone was really glad that there would finally be peace.

"Oh wow!"  Viki exclaimed.  "You guys realize that fighting is stupid even after some state soldiers just recently supposedly slaughtered some young innocent Highland boys at Tenzan Pass?  This is nice!"

Everyone immediately stopped talking upon hearing Viki's words.  After two seconds of silence, angry outbursts exploded from the crowd.

"THEY WHAT?!?"

"Let's kill those state bastards!"

"Yea!  They MUST DIE!  This means WAR!!!"

Completely forgetting about how happy they were over the peace treaty moments ago, all of the citizens ran to their houses to get their weapons and mobilize.  Highland was a militarized nation, after all.

"Wait!"  Viki screamed.  "The ones who really slaughtered those young children were actually other Highland soldiers disguised as State soldiers!"

"What do you know?!?"  Someone screamed back at her.  "You're just some stupid stranger who just wandered into this city!  Why should we believe you?"

"She's speaking blasphemy!  Guards!  Get this spy!"

"Halt right there!  Don't move or we'll be forced to capture you by force!"  One of the guards punched Viki and knocked her out before she could respond, then they proceeded to take her to the dungeoun.

By now, Viki had a rather excrutiatingly painful headache from those repeated blows of the day.  She looked around her damp dirty jail cell, and noticed that she had quite a lot of cell mates.  One particular cell mate, dressed in really wierd fancy clothes, looked rather familiar.

(Cue narcisist music)

"Ah!!  Why if it isn't my most dearest of dear friends, Viki!  Tis I, the wonderful Vincent De Boule!  It must have been, oh, two and a half years since I last saw you, no?  Oh how wonderful it is for me to see you again!"

Viki never knew Vincent very well.  Still, she felt her headache get significantly worse.

"It is so good to see you amidst all these barbarians!"  Vincent shunned away from the bandits that were in the same cell as him.  "Why, I was getting so lonely ever since McDohl left me here to fend for myself against these savages!"

"Savages?!  Barbarians?!?"  The angry leader of the bandits, Gijimu, was ready to grab Vincent by the neck and rip off his head.

"Wait!  McDohl was here?"  Viki anxiously grabbed Vincent right before Gijimu could.

"Why yes, but of course!  My dearest and most dear of my dear friends, McDohl, he helped me to fight off these barbaric fools here."  Vincent sighed.  "But alas, he has left me here.  But I can not blame him, for I would leave the first chance I had to get away from these imbeciles."

Gijimu's head turned red.

"Oh, I've failed again!"  Viki put her head against the bars in despair, then noticed the McDohl-head-shaped imprint in them.  "But where is he, now?"

"Oh, I must imagine that dear McDohl must heading for that port town, L'Porteirre up north to catch a boat and go back home.  I must catch up to him soon.  I am eternally indebted to him yet again for rescuing me from these uncivilized cutthroats."  Vincent side stepped Gijimu's charge and Gijimu slammed into a wall.

"Dammit!"  Gijimu bellowed.  "I'm getting really pissed at this freak!"

"Um, boss?"  One of the bandits poked Gijimu on the shoulder.  "Speaking of piss, I really gotta go.  Where's the toilet?"

"It's in that corner over there."  Gijimu pointed.

"Thanks, boss."  The bandit walked over to the toilet, turned around, and looked at Viki.  "Hey boss!  I think we have a problem!"

"What?  Why's everyone staring at me?"  Viki looked at the blushing bandit standing near the toilet.  "Oh!  Wait.... EW!!!  Stuck in here with you guys and only one toilet?  We can't have that!"

"Well, there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it."  Gijimu grunted.

Viki waved her wand.

"Shazzam!"

It surprised the guards quite a lot when the prisoners they had recently thrown into the jail appeared in the middle of the city of L'Renouille.  "They're breaking out and escaping!  Get them!"

Gijimu looked around, confused.  "Huh?  What the hell are we doing here?" he said, right before he and his bandits were tackled by a bunch of Highland guards.

Vincent handed Viki a rose.  "Oh, my dear friend!  You have done a truly excellent move, worthy of my endless praise!  Now we shall escape to wonderful freedom!"

"Ow!"  The rose's thorns pricked Viki on her hand.

The guards were too busy fighting Gijimu's bandits to stop Viki and Vincent from exitting the city.

"Ah, I feel so good, getting out of that horrid slum for a city!  My eternal gratitude to you, my dear friend Viki, most dearest of all my dear friends that are dear to me!"  Vincent kissed Viki's hand.

"Dearest of dear dear what HUH?"  Vincent's wierd speech was making Viki's headache even worse.  "Ah, forget this!"

Viki zapped Vincent and he dissappeared and was teleported away.  She didn't know where, but she didn't care.  With Vincent gone, Viki went north to the Highland port town of L'Portierre.

Despite the fact that Highland was a highly militaristic country, L'Portierre was very similar to all those boring fishing towns like Banner village.  There wasn't much point to a large coastal town when most of Highland's coasts were already surrounded by mountains.  However, amidst all the small fishing boats, there was one really large battle-dressed ship which stood out.  And it bore the Toran flag.

"A Toran ship!  Hooray!  McDohl must be on it!"  Viki ran for the Toran ship.

On the docks in front of the ship, guarded by some Toran soldiers, a beautiful young blonde wearing a blue cape, plate armour, and a red naval skirt was argueing with a man dressed in Arabian garb with a mustache.  Although they looked slightly older to her than she remembered, Viki recognized them as the admiral of the Toran navy, Sonya Shulan, and the general in charge of protecting the border, Kasim Hazil.  They were two of the six great Toran generals and also two of the six great Scarlet Moon Empire generals.  Standing behind Sonya was a man with a really puffy brown beard, mustache, and intimidating disposition, wearing a blue robe.  He looked vaguely familiar to Viki but she couldn't figure out from where.  He wasn't that smithy Santa clone, Mace; that was certain.

"Kasim, I gave you a ride this far!  You have to let me come with you to L'Renouille!"

"For the last time, Sonya, I won't let you!  This is an alliance with Highland against the City State, which doesn't involve you.  The City State is surrounded on all sides by mountains or forests, and there isn't any water for your navy to maneuver in, anywhere, except for that big lake in the middle of all the city states.  And there's no way you can get your navy to fit through the rivers there to get into that lake.  There's nothing you can do in our war with Jowston, so there's no reason for you to come along."  Kasim left the docks with several soldiers.

Sonya cursed to herself.  "I don't see why you bother, Kasim.  This country seems to be just as bad as the City States, if not worse.  What fools.  All they care about is killing each other, constantly bickering over every little piece of land no matter how insignificant it is.  If we didn't need this alliance to stop those lousy nats of South Window and Tinto from pecking at our asses at the border, I'd happily get my great navy over here and bombard this stupid town into submission.  This sucks!  Why do our main enemies have to have absolutely NO oceans around them?!?  What is my wonderful navy supposed to do?  If I could just somehow get all my ships to that lake, I could wreck havoc upon that damn City-State and show Kasim how war is really done."

Viki shrugged to herself.  She still wondered how people could take enjoyment from killing others, but figured that Sonya, being a general, was probably used to it or something.  Or maybe even thrived on it, because without war, she'd probably be without a job.  "Excuse me, Lady Sonya, could I ask you something?"

It took Sonya twenty seconds of staring before she recognized Viki.  "Viki?!?  What the hell are you doing here?  Where were you all this time?  Time has treated you awfully... well, hasn't it?  You've been missing for two years!"

"I have?"  Viki thought to herself for a moment.  "Doh!  I forgot, I HAVE!"

Now Sonya was just as confused as Viki.  "Um... Huh?"

"Oh well."  Viki smiled.  "But McDohl is here, so everything's okay.  Besides, he doesn't age anyway so it's not like those two years for him are lost."

Sonya quickly forgot about Kasim and Jowston and Highland.  All she could think was "HUH?!?"

The disgruntled Santa Claus in the blue robe motioned to Sonya.  "Hey, are you going to let Kasim keep you away from your goals, just like that?  The secret of Waffles is near L'Renouille.  You have to go there."

"You're sure it's in L'Renouille, right?"  Sonya looked suspiciously at the man.

The man took out a crystal ball and it started to glow.  "Yup, L'Renouille.  In fact, the magic presence is closer than ever before."

Viki tugged at Sonya's cape.  "Um, Lady Sonya?  Who is that man?  Why is he here?"

Sonya glared at Viki.  "His name is Blargo and that's none of your business."

"Er... okay."  Viki walked past Blargo and entered the ship.  "That name seems familiar..."

"Oh, what is this?"  Blargo squinted at his crystal ball.  "The object we're looking for seems to have moved.  According to my tracking ball, it's now over there, across the ocean."

Blargo pointed in the direction of the Toran ship.

Sonya laughed.  "Well, what are we waiting for?  Let's go."

As Sonya and Blargo entered the ship, one of the Toran soldiers stopped her.  "Wait!  Lady Sonya, are you sure we should leave Kasim stranded behind at L'Renouille?"

Sonya forcefully pushed the soldier aside.  "Who cares about him?  He'll be just fine.  Kasim needs to get out away from that disgusting swampy border area, anyway.  And right now, I really don't mind if he has to put up with that stupid blood thirsty prince of Highland, either.  It'll serve him right for thinking he has authority over me.  Besides, the only reason why I took him here in the first place was to get the Waffles component."

"Waffles component?"  Viki moved out of the way as Sonya, Harenko, and the rest of the Toran soldiers went on board the ship.  "That sounds like some sort of breakfast ingredient.  What is it, anyway?"

Sonya sighed.  "Waffles, Wuffles, something like that.  It could be anything, from a charm or rune or even a living creature like a puppy.  All I know is that I need it!"  Sonya glared at Viki again.  "And I'm not going to tell you why, so don't ask."

As the ship sailed away, Viki had forgotten why she went on board in the first place.

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"Viki" and "Suikoden 2" are (C) Konami. This chapter was posted on December 31, 1999