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"Dreams and Memories" (Kyaro) She was dreaming. Later, Pilika would probably reflect that it was almost impossible for her to fall asleep, much less dream, on such a bumpy ride. Even less likely that it would be a nice dream. But at that point she didn't really care; all she knew was that Jowy-niichan had told her than everything would be alright, so she felt better than she did a little while ago. There wasn't any red, or lightning, or White Monsters this time. She could vaguely sense Mommy and Daddy, and after she had awoken, she could not remember what they had said no matter how hard she tried. But when she opened her eyes she knew that she felt almost happy again. She despised red. And fire. Whatever that horrible crimson stuff was-- she hated it with all of her heart, and shied away from both it and flickering flames, whenever they shot up. She didn't care if it was warm or not, if it was the only shred of heat in a world of freezing coldness. She hated it and resolved that she always would. Whenever she tried to remember Mommy and Daddy, along with those memories always came the thoughts of the White Monster, and the mutilated bodies flooded in red that were barely recognizable as her parents. Along with that always came that strange choking sensation in her throat, and she had to rub at her eyes so that the tears wouldn't fall in front of Jowy-niichan or Marcel, and bite her lip so that she wouldn't sob. I'm scared. Scared of remembering it. I don't want it to have happened. I don't want it to have happened. But I can't think of Mommy and Daddy without thinking of it. She hugged her knees to herself, amidst the scratchy hay, and listened to the pounding of her thoughts, and her breathing. Her head ached but Pilika barely noticed. She paid much more attention to the voice that seemed to be speaking for her, inside of her mind. Like she, herself, was only a listener and a spectator to that voice. I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter. As long as the White Monster never came. As long as-- as-- as the _death_ never happened. I won't remember. I won't. Even if that means I can't remember Mommy and Daddy. She always felt oddly numb, now, to a lot of her emotions when they were supposed to come-- other than hatred, and frustration, and fear. It was almost like happiness had been torn roughly away from her and she couldn't press through the fence to snatch it back. The only thing close to happiness was her sense of security around Jowy. I won't cry. She closed her eyes, deciding to fall back asleep for the rest of the ride. I won't cry, Mommy and Daddy. You'll be proud of me. It'll never have happened. Never.... and you will have never have gone to Far Away... Pilika slept.
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