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"The Thugbone Army" (To Radat) The next morning, Rei and I paid our lodgings, had a meager breakfast of biscuits and gravy, and headed back towards Radat. We were about halfway there when, ahead on the path, a middle-aged man was defending himself from a group of bandits. Needless to say, Rei and I decided to help the fellow. Rei drew her weapon and converged on the six vagrants, while I sucked in all the air I could and bellowed. Loudly. Half of them fled, certain that some monster was hungry and, worse, hungry for them. Rei swung at one bandit, a dangerous looking fellow wielding two blades. He parried, sparing her only a glance before cutting their victim's arm deeply. The man hissed and, ignoring the wound, swung his blade in arc forcing the three remaining bandits to back off or be decapitated. I jumped in and joined the fight. Seeing that the odds had changed, the three fled with Rei on their tails. As soon as they were out of sight, the man slumped to his knees and groaned trying to staunch the blood flowing from his arm. I quickly grabbed a bandage from my pack (when you brawl as often as I do, you learn to be prepared), and wrapped it around, applying enough pressure to halt the blood but not enough to hurt him too badly. The man mumbled his thanks as Rei returned from her hunt. "Sorry, I couldn't catch any of them," she said between breathes. I was just glad that no one was dead. "Don't worry about it," I told her. I turned to the injured man and asked, "What's your name? We should get you to town so that doesn't get infected." He stared at me for a second before he said, "...Yes. Take me to my village, it's close. That way." He pointed at a path through the forest. It was very carefully hidden and certainly didn't draw any attention to itself. "Er, ok," I mumbled. I had never heard of a village between South Window and Radat before but the guy needed some medical attention so I supported him as we stumbled along the path. After we had been slapped by branches, poked by bushes, and rubbed against numerous plants that I'm sure were poison ivy, we arrived at the village. I took it all in. It was definitely a poor village. It was fairly large though, forty houses at least and badly built also. Our wounded friend smiled and whispered, "Ahh, Yeshika." As we stood there, someone yelled and an excited crowd gathered around us. "Galarin! Are these the mercenaries," a young woman asked, beaming a smile at Rei and I. A young man with a mop of brown-hair ran over shouting, "Hey dad! Wha...you're hurt!" Hearing this the crowd made way as Rei helped me lead the injured man named Galarin into the nearest house, a large affair built of pink brick (don't ask). Inside, we saw an odd-looking man of indeterminate age, as soon as he realized who we were bringing in, he blurted, "Galarin? What happened? ...You two bring him over here," The man gestured to a pink couch. Together, we managed to carry Galarin over and plopped him down on the sofa. Galarin decided now would be an excellent time to pass out, so he did. "Now what happened," the guy in pink asked tersely. I couldn't help staring at our surroundings for a moment. Thirty some shades of pink?! I was shocked speechless. Fortunately, Rei answered the man, "He was beset upon by bandits. Luckily, we were able to aid him in time." The man's face paled visibly. "Ahh, the Thugbone army," he muttered lowly. Suddenly, his gaze shot up to inspect the both of us. "You two are them, aren't you?! The brave warriors we sent for to give succor to our poor village in it's most desperate hour," he blurted before throwing himself to his knees, "Oh, courageous paladin and beautiful lady, I am Zobias. Please rid us of this menace!" My mouth did push ups, "Um, what? Excuse me?" Zobias looked to me, eyes full of admiration. "You've come to rescue us, right," he asked, his voice an intermingling of both hope and doubt. Rei nodded enthusiastically, "Yes. I'm very sorry Amada, my honor requires me to aid those in need," she said, looking for my approval. I sighed, "...Oh well, I can't let you do this by yourself, can I? How can we help?" Both Zobias and Rei smiled. Zobias, still grinning, told me, "We need leaders. Someone who can lead our armed forces to eliminate the dire Thugbone army." I nodded slowly, "How many men are we up against?" Zobias thought for a moment, "Well...we aren't sure exactly. Our only spy found their camp and reported back here before packing up and leaving. Come to think of it, he did mention something about imminent doom or something." I tucked that piece of information away. "Ok. What about us," I asked cautiously. Zobias replied quickly, "Hmm, with the Yeshika Guard and the recent swelling of the Yeshika Militia Volunteer Company. We have three..." "What," I interrupted, "can we do with only three hundred troops?!" Zobias looked embarrassed, "Actually sir, I meant three...not three hundred." I allowed my anger to dissipate. What good does it do to get mad at a lunatic? "Amada, they are only brigands. If we were to kill their leader, the rest will flee," Rei suggested helpfully. I calmed myself down. "Ok...we'll inspect our troops," I told the apparent mayor. Zobias nodded, "They're at the tavern...they always are..." Rei and I walked to the tavern, identifiable by decibel level only. It was a short building that looked like it would collapse given half a chance. As it was, the three patrons were giving it at least four. We entered carefully and were awarded with not getting nailed by the mug that sailed out through the doorway, followed by guffaws of laughter from inside. We entered and saw three people huddled around a table discussing something and giggling insanely. An old man said, "...like a...er...What are those animals that water runs off of, you know, with feathers." A young man responded, "Ish a...a...pigeon, I think." I recognized the speaker as Galarin's son. "No, eez a cow. I know it eez," a red-haired woman said, giggling. It was quite evident that the trio was rip-roaring drunk. I cleared my throat. "By any chance...are you all the, um, armed forces of Yeshika." I inquired, hoping they weren't. None of them looked anything like warriors. The young man turned towards us and fell out of his chair. "Er, we might be. Who are you," the old man replied cautiously. I gestured to myself and Rei, "We are your new commanders," I said, trying to sound imperious, "Gather your equipment and report outside of this establishment in five minutes," They all nodded and stumbled to wherever they called home. Rei smiled, "You handled that well." I grinned back, "Thank you very much." *An hour later* "I'm so glad you three finally decided to join us," I scolded, annoyed. Rei was much more experienced at these matters, so we had decided that she would lead the majority of the military matters, such as training. The trio grinned, oblivious to the sarcasm. Rei stepped forward and commanded them to line up. They did. Well, they tried. They swayed and stumbled around in the attempt. Eventually, we ordered them to sit down. Altogether, they looked like a ragtag bunch. Gegory (the young man) sat cross-legged, wearing a single shoulder pad, some leathers, and a sword strapped to his side. He handed me his sword for inspection. It was blunt. Not a little blunt, totally blunt. I stared at him, maniacal grin on his face and his brown mop of hair in his eyes. "May I ask why your sword isn't sharpened," I asked him. He replied seriously, "Well, I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, uh, sir." I moved on to recruit #2. Maria (young red-haired woman) was resplendent in a dented breast plate and a helmet made out of a pot. "Where is your weapon," I inquired, afraid to know. She plucked a spatula off her belt along with a skillet that had been modified into a shield, presenting them to me with pride. I looked over the spatula. As a weapon, it was totally useless. However, it's end was weighted, so with a little sharpening... Oh god, I shut my eyes. What had I gotten into? I walked over to Volvo (the old guy). He was wearing a green robe, tied around his waist with a red belt. He stared at me, his long beard flowing in the breeze along with his hair which went every which way (OOC see an Einstein picture). he held a thick gnarled stick in his hands. "Can you fight, old man," I asked him. *Thwack* "Ouch," I blurted, falling to my knees. Volvo cackled, "Hee hee hee. Don't be disrespecting your elders, young 'un." I resisted the urge to bust into a crazy bout of swearing that would have put my fellow sailors to shame. A thought crossed my mind, I would get my revenge. I grinned evilly at him. "We will train for a week before we crush those bandit guys," I told everyone, "Training will begin NOW."
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